Zaz posted a comment on Monday 6th July 2009 1:20pm

Awesome!

Koalasco posted a comment on Monday 6th July 2009 1:19pm

Wow...this is really, really good!

I loved the style. I mean, I loved "Something Grim This Way Comes", but this one is much more...real, somehow. Cheers for you.

You know, if you managed to do a chapter on each year, you would probably win yourself Hall Of Fame For The Most Amazing Fic Ever.

Just wondering, will you update Cultural Shock anytime soon? It's one of my favorite fanfics...

Loved the story! Please think about the idea of a chapter on each year!

Koalasco

Tim Sullivan posted a comment on Monday 6th July 2009 12:05pm

I like it. I liked "Something Grim," but I find this far more interesting as a story. I think it carries more potential, too. Are you interested in continuing it?

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Monday 6th July 2009 11:51am

Ooooh, very good =D I love the differences, such a serious piece compared to Something Grim this Way Comes, the two of them make perfect companion works =D good times! =D

Ken Warner posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 10:57pm

very good,very real, and disturbing as hell.
Excellent job with the Malfoys and Snape, although I might as a person, not a writer, tend to be a skosh closer to letting a person know how he has erred, and give them a chance to apologize, before cleaning the genetic pool of their detritus. Of course you did exactly that with Draco, and he was unable to see/recognize that he had been fatally rude.

thanks for an excellent divertissement

Wolfric posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 6:16pm

Good story. I prefer this one to its predecessor. Is there any chance you might continue this via another "one shot" to show Voldemort meeting his end in some creative fashion? I'm sure the colateral damage could be most amusing. Thanks for writing. W.

Shepherd posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 5:22pm

Disturbing but interesting. I think that this is better as a oneshot than as an ongoing series, but that may just be my bias towards wanting to see Culture Shock updated.

Vilkath posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 4:28pm

Interseting start and I agree about the sex. It's not beyond logic that people that young, specialy those in such a harsh depressing childhood could grasp onto physical pleasures early. In fact it's more believable than alot of other HP fics that have some kind of love of the life soul bond happening first year. Pure physical sex at age 11 is alot easier to believe then some kind loving, healthy relationship.

I do wonder the long term aspects this story, will they include other girls into their circle later? How many others can be killed? I loved that Draco died so early, so many fics, even time travel fics where Draco caused some great horror in the future wait forever to kill him off.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 3:17pm

Now that does make for an interesting story. I do hope you consider continuing it as it's most intriguing. I can see both Harry & Amanda maturing early because of their link to death and that would result in their intimacies starting earlier than is normal vor even the magical world.

I do have to wonder how many others are going to see them as simple targets and rue their mistakes just before dying?

Bocardo posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 10:50am

This was excellent as always. Any chance of more?
And to everyone, are there more stories like this one? I know there are several harry/mandy stories and they are almost always enjoyable.

Cale posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 9:22am

For curiosity's sake, will there be more? Because this has the needed elements for more than a one-shot. A decent one-shot, but it could be a great multi-chaptered story. Because the Incarnation of Death isn't fully explained, just what is the power, how does it work (only saw a glimpse of it in action)...it leaves far too much a mystery in order to feel sated by this alone. How did Harry and Amanda meet? How did they meet this "Grim"? When did they start to have sex? HOW did they start to have sex? How did they learn about the existance of magic? How did they adapt? What will they do about Quirrel and Voldemort? Snape and Dumbledore? How will the SLytherins treat them at first? And how will the two (+ Death) react? How will the vaunted House of the Cunning react and change to them?

Far too many questions that need to be sated. So all in all, an exelent start, it raised a lot of questions that we want to see answered, without contradicting itself, or forcing too much information on us in one go.

In short; Perfect first chapter, less than great one-shot. Please continue this.

Lady_Mear posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 7:15am

I liked it. I would have preferred a 'Chan' warning before I started though. It wouldn't have put me off, but I would have been more prepared for skipping paragraphs every now and then. To explain that because I know the summery says 'lover', I assumed there would be time-travel involved or alternative dimensions.

As someone else already commented, you are making a lot of mistakes (they left a list, so I won't put another one here).

Hope you update this and culture shock soon!

James Barber posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 4:36am

Hey I like this one better than the other one...I also hope you continue this, and I dont see anything wrong with the early sex, I remember playing doctor with my female cousins around that age or before and I also remember me and one female cousin didnt actually have sex but we sure checked out each other's bodies really close one night!

JChaos posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 3:37am

More, Please.

Novice posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 12:59am

It's definately a different take on the situation in "Something Grim". I can't decide if it's better or worse.

I guess the easiest way - IMO - of summing up the differences is the follows:

"Something Grim" had an 80s American Cartoon feel to it. There was good, and there was evil. You didn't have any problems teling the two apart. Grim was the wacky, and cranky cast member that never would actually *do* anything really wrong. And, just like an old GI JOE episdoe, you knew that evil would not win in the end; or even kill off any (important) heroes.

"Masters of Death" definately has an Anime/Manga feel to it. The type that always comes with in shrinkwrap with an "adults only" tag somewhere on the outside. The type where, if you looked closely, all the White Hats were actually some shade of Grey. Death, here, comes accross less as a servant, and more of an amused eccentric uncle who enjoys being around his nephew and neice; while teaching them the joys of being a mob hitman or serial killer. And it's the type of story where years of mental (at the very least!) abuse of a child either breaks them or does some rather nasty things to their minds, instead of making them a future champion of the people/underdog.

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Now onto the story itself!
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First off, I'll admit that having read the actual series makes it easier to justify all but one of the murders involved. With one exception, I can't help but thing that - given what they ended up doing in the source material - that they probably deserved to die. The exception is the (muggle) platfrom guard at the beginning of the story. While I don't care for smoking either, I disagree with Harry's belief that it's an offense worth killing over.

Second, the implied strength of the duo seems to suggest that they've been modified - or modified themselves - in some fashion. The fact that Harry demonstrates (wandless?) magic strong enough that a 7th year student couldn't dispel it likewise suggests that - even baring their ties with Death - that they aren't mornal. Even for the magically-active.

Third, Draco - even if Harry didn't figure out some what that he was supposed to turn Harry into a Malfoy pawn/puppet - was a dead man walking by the time that Harry shook his hand. He continuously knocked/pounded on the door when it was clear that the occupants wanted to be left alone. He both ignored Amanda and pushed her aside to get into the compartment. He outright stated that Amanda was inferior to him both because because she was female, and because she was "a mudblood".

Fourth, of the three major (non-fatally) injured parties, the only one I really feel sorry for is Penelope Clearwater. And,even there I can't help but wonder if a year of lost schooling (to be made up later) and rehab might not be weorth the chance to avoid her apparent train-wreck of a relationship with Percy.

Fifth, Dumbledore (from this story) certainly won't get any sympathy from me. While it seems that the death of any student would sadden him, Draco's death is disastrous because he's a pureblood; and not a muggleborn or half-blood. The fact that he's from an imporant family only makes things worse in Dumbledore's mind. And the clear statements that he was already planning on manipulating/shaping Harry - using Draco among other "tools" - before he even arrived at Hogwarts doesn't improve my opinion any.

Sixth, I can't help but wonder who the three first year Gryffindors are. Seamus is outright stated to be one of the three, and Ron is most likely one of the three. Still, even if my guess is right, I have to wonder who the third one is. Lavender, perhaps?

Seventh, I can't help but wonder if the "strife" in Harry's early childhood was a reference to the Dursleys - at least before Amanda entered his life.

Eighth, Snape likewise cuts his own throat. He uses "subtle" insults and put-downs against Amanda. Then, while Harry's standing near him and can hear him, Snape basically declares open season against the Boy Who Lived in the Slytherin common room. Dying by making a "mistake" with a simple (headache) potion for a first year student is a humilating way for Snape to go. (So this reviewer gives it two thumbs up! ^_^)

Ninth, I have to wonder if whatever method that was used to deal with the Horcrux in Harry is at least partially responsible for "darkening" him and Amanda. Actually, dependng on the information that it - and/or Death - provided to them, they might have put several individuals (including Lucius Malfoy) on a "Better Off Dead" list before they ever stepped onto the Hogwarts Express.

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Final thoughts.
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My only real complaint is the fact that this story is marked complete. Although I can still hope for sequels/prequels, since I hunger for more.

If you do choose to continue this story, I agree with another reviewer that Harry and Amanda shouldn't go around killing everyone. Still, Harry's comments about how they can't kill off everyone in their dorms without attacking attention, and that they shouldn't rush into an attempt to kill Dumbledore, seems to indicate that you already considered that issue.

As for the sex between eleven year olds, it doesn't do anything for me but it isn't a Squick situation either. They're both consenting. And, if you're old enough to suffer assasination attempts to commit the equivalent of manslaughter (although any half-decent defence lawyer should have been able to get Harry off scott-free if he'd been charged with Quirell's death at the end of book one), then sex isn't that big a leap, IMO.

Paul5 posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 12:54am

Great start to a story! but just like 'something Grim This Way Comes' I am eagerly waiting for more!

Frank Hacklander posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 12:50am

An incredible return! For those of us have been waiting ever so patiently for the return of "Culture Shock," this is an incredible move in a twisted, different direction.That said, in the following phrase, I would tend to use discreetly rather than "discretely." "students discretely moved," Looking forward to the next bit.

moon_pup posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 12:50am

wow, I can not wait till more is posted. till then keep up the great work

Wolf550e posted a comment on Sunday 5th July 2009 12:30am

Harry is so overpowered there is no conflict in the story at all.

If you called Amanda "Wednesday" it would work just as well.

spiders are not insects

"My condolences to you and your wife on your lose" - loss

Why was Penelope Clearwater hurt? She was with the good guys.

"to deliberately cause just a thing to happen." - such a thing

"Ron Weasley begin the last" - being

"Crystal" is a good answer to "is that clear", not to "is this understood".

"and unfortunately association with Potter" - unfortunate

When I was in 7th grade, I knew a 13 year old girl who had sex. Her teacher called the parents because she was concerned. But it wasn't with a boy her age. And I still think it's obscene. At least say they are physiologically mature enough to have sex (i.e. they're not really prepubescent).

the DragonBard posted a comment on Saturday 4th July 2009 11:42pm

Preferred 'Something Grim This Way Comes.' I dislike stories with monsters as the main character.

Any chance of the next chapter of Culture Shock coming soon?